Hot Girls' Guide to Early Retirement (A Black Love Post)

Trigger Warning: It’s a lovey-dovey post.

Growing up I was really back and forth on if the married and family life was for me. Like most young adults in the US, I felt the effects of high divorce rates in generations' past. Witnessing that level of dysfunction honestly had me cool on the whole concept for a while. And believe me the hook-up culture and situationship-laced reality of today by no means created a brighter outlook. So what was a young Black woman to do?

In my case, I focused on the somewhat controllable—the grind. As a teen, Jesus and reality TV was all I needed. Once I graduated high school it was mission critical to secure the degrees, secure the bag. (Boy, oh boy, that’s a gag. Post for another time.). That’s really what people around me were coaching me to do. Stay young and unattached so I can move full steam into my dreams. And that’s what I did. I did the school thing, began my career, started traveling and brunching it up. I got comfortable answering to just myself, my God and my bank account.

Now, there was some scorn and bitterness along the way. I mean, in my mind I was a reasonably successful woman. As folks who knew me would say, ”Guys should be lined up and falling at your feet.“ WRONG! They weren’t. Phone was dry; DMs deserted. I digress. And after the last ordeal of having my time wasted, I walled up and it was the best decision. I needed to work on me. Hype myself up again. Be content in being alone with myself. It wasn’t until I arrived at that contentment, I could intentionally and carefully open my heart back up. It was seeing a partner/companion as someone who adds value to my whole life, but wasn’t my whole life.

When I started dating my now Boo-Thang, my mental about it was so different than before. I was excited, but I wasn’t obsessing and stressing about every little thing like before. I didn’t overthink it because if it didn’t work out being single again didn’t feel like a failure because that life was still lit—and Hot Girl Summer was approaching. I had gotten clear about the type of things that didn’t serve me in a relationship (romantic or not), and was fine with standing on it. Thankfully, I found someone who had also become super comfortable with their authentic self and presented that to me from day one.

What’s even crazier, he was saying and doing the things that I desired from the reflections of my time alone without me ever prompting them. He was slowly ticking things off my realistic and internalized list in the required and optional categories. Also, going into this more centered allowed for the most open communication I’ve ever had in this type of relationship. That’s what self-work and healing looks like. No games, no BS. You rocking with me or nah? Are we still learning each other and growing together? For sure! The difference is it’s not forced or one-sided. It truly feels like a partnership, and that’s the core of what I want. If any of this resonated with you, here’s a few things I recommend to prepare your mind to go from “Nice for What” to “Best Part”:

1. Spend some time single and not dating/entangled/fill in the blank by choice.

2. Learn the vibes you need around to be your best self whether it’s romantic or not.

3. Figure out if you actually want a relationship or if it’s the pressure from around you.

4. Get out the house. Unless, you only want a boo who does food delivery (no shade).

5. Entertain in-person conversations with anyone. (So helpful to build openness and confidence.)

6. Work on what you bring. It’s hard to ask for what you don’t even have together.

7. Speak a healthy relationship over your life when you’re truly ready.

8. Set a clear intention for the value you want a partner to add.

9. Appreciate all the ways your friends already show up for you. (If they don’t, start there.)

10. Plan out what happens if the partner never comes and reach a level of self-acceptance.

Last but certainly not least, if you loved these photos all credit goes to this week’s #BrittBuysBlack spotlight, SnapsxStyles Photography! Brittany Marcus a.k.a. BSquared and I have been friends since undergrad and she’s truly honing her craft as a photographer to add to her existing media services portfolio. If you’re in the Central Indiana area, get with her swiftly!

Britt Buys Black: The Social Chef Spices Collective

What’s you favorite part about traveling? Whether it be to a new neighborhood in your city or a new country to explore, what excites you about that experience? Hands down one of my favorite elements of new adventures would be the food! Let me be clear, it’ the LOCAL food for me. If it’s got more than ten locations, then I feel some type of way. I want to go where the working folks eat on a regular or as a hometown splurge. Yeah, yeah, chic decor and ambiance is nice, but sometimes I don’t want a photo op. I want the food to do all the talking. I want to taste the local flavors, try the signature dishes and eat the homegrown/raised ingredients.

Brittany Stewart and I on our last adventure to the beaches of Tulum.

My dear friend Brittany (not speaking in third-person), shares my sentiments for adventure through cuisine. She is the mastermind behind The Social Chef. An avid traveler and foodie herself, Brittany blogs about her experiences in different locations and most importantly captures the wonderful flavors you must try while you’re there. We both lamented that we had to lighten our travel load this year due to the pandemic—although, she has still found a way to safely escape a time or two. The other way that she’s adapted to this new normal is through her other passion for cooking. In September, she launched her first product line under the brand called Social Spices Collective. In her own words this line is:

Taking the pure essence of flavors found in various countries and making them available in your own kitchen. This six-seasoning spice line was curated using spices featured in dishes from all over the world. I had the pleasure to work with chef’s and locals from Peru, Cuba, Mexico, and Ghana to bring these flavors to life in each bottle. - Brittany S., The Social Chef

Now, if you’ve been following along you know that over the last year my boyfriend and I have been throwing down more in the kitchen as a wonderful way to bond and explore our own culinary talents. In support, I ordered the two debut spices of the line, the Jardin and Sea Imports. We did a simple meal prep of grilled salmon, broccoli and wild rice using both of these spices.

Overall, we really enjoyed the flavor from these blends. Now, something that I love is that these are not just salt with some herbs in it. I’m trying to be more conscious with what I’m putting in my body and that includes salt intake. I would suggest still using a little salt in your dishes you create with these spices, but I felt relief in knowing that I could combine these with other seasonings or add salt to taste without the concern of going overboard or overpowering these spice blends.

Jardin: This is the veggie seasoning, and boy does it pack in a flavor! We used this on the broccoli we steamed and it was quite zesty and delicious. It gave a bold taste that reminded me of summer. We added the seasonings to the butter and water before we put in the veggies and then sprinkled more on top before steaming.

Seafood Imports: This is a really nice blend, the grilling kind of took control so I know to use more the next time or make sure I extend my marinating, but you really don’t need to add anything else to this. My boyfriend prefers a more salty profile for meats so you may want to toss in a little more, but it was perfect for me. I used it again for shrimp alfredo and we were both pleased with how it came out.

Now you are in luck because this month she’s just announced the third spice blend of the collection, the Inca. It’s inspired by the flavors of Peru, and I can’t wait to get my hands on a bottle. I haven’t had too many Peruvian dishes so I’m excited to explore through the first dish I make with it. Grab your bottles today! Sign up for her email list to get 10 percent off your first order. She’ll also keep you updated on sales, pop-up events using her spices and neat travel tips!

Follow The Social Chef on social media as well to stay up to date with Brittany’s blog, product releases and travel inspiration!